A Day at Starwind and Hawking Enterprises
by Pathas Li
Summary: A confusing day at Gene and Jim's residence. At some points it won't make sense. Then again, the thought of polar bears dancing to disco just makes you want to think for a second and laugh.


Disclaimor: I don't own Outlaw Star. And if any of you are offended by this, I appologize. And if at some points if the plot doesn't make sense...just go with it, life's too short man....  
  
Gene: Ha, Jim! I beat you in a card game without cheating.  
  
Jim: What are you talking about? You just fell asleep at the table?  
  
Everyone is sitting at the table confused. Gene had fallen asleep during breakfast. Fred then appears and claps his hands.  
  
Fred: Gene had a dream of being a winner! Now he'll dream about me!  
  
Gene: Go away Fred!  
  
Fred: Call in the polar bears!  
  
A bunch of viscous polar bears run into the room from closets, open windows, through the door, and one comes in from under the table.  
  
Gene: How didn't we notice that?  
  
Polar Bear That Came Under The Table: I'm magic!  
  
Gene: Oh, sorry for questioning your power.  
  
Polar Bear That Came Under The Table: It's alright.  
  
Fred: Admit that you have feelings for me or I shall sick these polar bears on you!  
  
Then a strange beat of music starts. Sazuka is playing her new disco CD.  
  
Gene: Dammit Sazuka! I told you to stop playing that CD! .......never should of told her to try a new hobby.  
  
Then a disco ball appears on the ceiling.  
  
Jim: Damn special prop imps...  
  
Imp: Go to hell!  
  
All the polar bears start to dance to the disco. After the song is over the disco ball disappears and the polar bears leave.  
  
Imp: Go to hell!  
  
Fred: I'll be back!  
  
Arnold Can't-Remember-To-Spell-That-Damn-Austrian-Name-Is-It-Austrian-I-dunno? (In the heavy fake impersonation accent): Ya, don't use my lines!  
  
Fred: But I wasn't imper-  
  
Arnold: Don't speak in my presence Wussy-Little-Gay-Man!  
  
Fred:..........I'm gay? Wait, come back here Arnold! *Fred pursues him*  
  
Gene and Jim: ............  
  
Imp: Go to hell!  
  
Gene: Go away imp!  
  
Jim find a stick lying on the ground, he picks it up off the ground and gets smashed over the head by a horse-powered engine. A man in a scream uniform is standing there.  
  
Gene: Not this story again!  
  
The scream character throws off his cloak revealing Stupid Richard. (Yes, the same Stupid Richard from the Stupid Richard series.)  
  
Gene:...Why'd you hit Jim with a horse-powered engine?  
  
Richard: Cus the cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon!  
  
Gene: What?  
  
Richard: I couldn't find a bug zapper, so I had to hit him with an engine!  
  
Gene: K....but why?  
  
Richard: *Grabs the stick* He stole the Magickal Stick!  
  
Imp: Go to hell!  
  
Richard: You!  
  
Jim: You guys I'm not unconscious.  
  
Gene: Why didn't you say anything Jim?  
  
Imp: Go to hell!  
  
Jim: Why does he keep coming here?  
  
Richard: ......why am I here?  
  
Gene: I dunno, Pathas's got something to do with this.  
  
Pathas: Tax reasons thank you very much!  
  
All: Huh?  
  
Richard: I've been insulted here, I demand justice!  
  
Gene: What the hell do you want? Where's Melfina and Aisha?  
  
Meanwhile, at the polar bear's camp.  
  
Melfina: Don't worry Aisha, Gene and Jim will save us!  
  
Back to the others.  
  
Richard: I know! We'll have a drinking game until they get back!  
  
Gene: What kind of drinking game?  
  
Richard: Let me think.  
  
Jackie Chan walks in.  
  
Jackie: I know good drinking game from my movie!  
  
Jim: No Jackie!  
  
Jackie: But-  
  
Jim: *Points to the door* Go Jackie!  
  
Jackie walks out with his head hanging low.  
  
Richard: I got it!  
  
And so Richard and Gene compete in a drinking game. The game is that you have five seconds to drink a bottle of beer, then you smash the bottle upon your opponents head. Richard then decides to cheat, he pisses in the next bottle he drinks out of.   
  
Richard: Ha! Ha! Gene will lose when I switch this bottle with his.  
  
Gene: Richard I can hear you, I heard you pissing before you even began talking.  
  
Richard: No I didn't! Go!  
  
Gene was surprised that Richard didn't try to switch the drinks. Gene completely forgot about Richard pissing in the drink. Then the five seconds ran out and Richard smashed the pissed-up bottle upon Gene's head.  
  
Gene: God dammit!  
  
Gene runs into the bathroom.  
  
Jim: Did you drink any of that?  
  
Richard: Nope. Who says I'm stupid?  
  
Jim: Fooled us.  
  
Imp: Go to hell!  
  
Jim: Wondered where he went.  
  
Richard: I'm leaving now, I don't get paid for guest star appearences!  
  
Gene walks out of the bathroom.  
  
Gene:.......I'm still bored, where's Melfina?  
  
The Gene pushes a button, the polar bears come back and dance to disco.  
  
Jim:.....What the hell Gene?  
  
Gene: I don't know why, but this is just plain hilarious.  
  
Polar Bear: We also do strip teases!  
  
Gene: Don't do that!  
  
Gene notices that two of the polar bears are familiar.  
  
Gene: Hey Jim! Melfina and Aisha are in polar bear cost-JIM!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jim is standing by a polar bear holding dollar bills.  
  
Jim: What?  
  
Gene: Dammit Jim I thought I brought you up better than that son!  
  
Scene shifts like a hitchcock movie.  
  
Jim: I thought my dad was a legendary hacker!  
  
Gene: That's all a lie! I'm your father!  
  
Jim: My god..........None of that's true, is it Gene?  
  
Gene: No. None of it's true.  
  
Jim: Alright.  
  
Gene: Melfina! Why are you dressed like a polar bear?  
  
Melfina: .....I don't know. Seemed like a good idea at the time.  
  
Imp: Go to hell!  
  
Jim: It's getting old imp.  
  
Imp: Shove it up your ass!  
  
Gene: That's it! Someone put a bounty on this guy!  
  
So they put a bounty up on the imp for a penny and Gene kills it. Now they're confused because he has to pay himself a penny.  
  
A polar bear grabs Melfina.  
  
Polar bear: Melfina belongs to us now! Along with Aisha! We keep them.  
  
Gene: Don't care about Aisha! Now give me Aisha back!  
  
Polar Bear: No!  
  
Gene: Yes!  
  
Polar Bear: No!  
  
Gene: Give her to me you apple-john!  
  
Polar Bear: Oh, so we're yelling in bard now aren't we?  
  
Gene: That's right Hugger-Mugger!  
  
Polar Bear: Harpy!  
  
Gene: .....Apple-John!  
  
Polar Bear: *Gasp* You win Starwind! I'll be back!  
  
Gene: If that Austrian guy talks I'm gonna kill him!  
  
Melfina: Yay Gene! You saved me!  
  
Melfina hugs Gene.  
  
Gene: Dammit Pathas! Why can't me and Melfina just-  
  
Pathas: No Gene, no lemon.  
  
Gene: But-  
  
Pathas: No Gene!  
  
Gene: Damn...  
  
Jim: Damn Easter Bunny!  
  
Everyone: What?  
  
Jim: There's that damn Easter Bunny! He's got my eggs!  
  
Jim chases the Easter Bunny out the door.  
  
Gene: I still say I should have done more with Melfina...  
  
Harry: You don't care for Melfina! You want her for her body!  
  
Gene: Where'd you come from?  
  
Melfina: Is that true Gene? I'm just a sexual partner to you?  
  
Gene: Dammit Pathas! End this fic!  
  
Pathas: Fine!  
  
Imp's Ghost: Go to hell!  
  
THE END  
  
Pathas: Bye bye! 


End file.
